funny how you didn’t attempt to prevent it. you dont seem too fussed atall. empty apologies after i spill my heart out, + you dont understand, mean nothing. i thought you were different, but you’ve hurt me in a way i haven’t even been hurt before.
i finally get something i’ve wanted for so long, + just to my luck it fucks up + gets taken away so soon.
i give up with it all. i really fucking do. i was clearly put on this earth to be alone.
since my last post;
- i got a girlfriend
- i started my summer job
- i went to the summertime ball
- i dyed my hair dark
things are okay when i think in the long run. this job is gna be challenging, but worth it for the money/experience. i’m not a fan of early mornings already, but hopefully this will sort my sleeping pattern out somehow. i’m already tired early first day in, lets just hope i actually subject myself to going to sleep early, instead of just staying online moaning that i’m tired.
at the moment though, i feel pretty shitty. ever get the feeling like you’re being used? well, maybe used isn’t the word. but i always seem to feel like i’m some kinda peda-stool to pick people up when they’re bored, or they haven’t got anyone else. maybe i’m over reacting, but effort shouldn’t be stopped just because you can call something ‘yours’. i’m not having doubts, but i’m feeling really shitty cause it feels like you just dont care like you did, before all this.
i shouldn’t feel this down already. i really shouldn’t. ugh.
so my 20th finally came around + it wasn’t all as bad as i thought. i dont feel any older, dont look any older, + most definitely dont act any older. but, i had a good day. my whole week had been abit up + down. i found out the gaga tickets my dad had bought me were a scam, so i was a little spoilt + pathetic spending the afternoon crying. but, my mum came to the rescue + managed to buy me some tickets for tomorrow’s show. i cant put into words how much i love her, i’m so excited!
but yeah, my birthday was good. went for lunch with keira + beth, then came home + got ready. the turn out wasn’t too bad. half the people that said they were coming didn’t show, but i kinda knew that was gna happen. i got really drunk really early, which didn’t work out well for me towards the end of the night when i saw my ex ex boyfriend. but either way, i spent it with the people i care about most + that’s all that matters.
life is pretty good at the moment. i’m a little nervous to be starting my job on the 7th of june, + i think it’s gna give me a huge kick in the backside. going from doing nothing to working full time for 3 months straight, is gna be abit mad. but, i just keep thinking about the money. if i work, i can save for a holiday/driving lessons/reading spending money/clothes. so, i guess i’m gna be up for the challenge :)
oh, + i really cant wait to see chloerayne on wednesday. (L)